Your 50/50 Holiday

"You don't always have to steer your ship with positivity."

This line from the movie Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day captured something profound about the holidays - and life in general. We're constantly told to 'stay positive,' 'keep our chin up,' 'manifest happiness.' But what if that's not the point?

If you're feeling the weight of difficult emotions this holiday season, this message is for you.

The Problem With Toxic Positivity

Everywhere we turn, messages tell us to 'live our best life' and 'think positively.' Social media overflows with motivational posts and 'YOLO' (you only live once) messages. But here's what I've learned and what I teach my clients: life is not meant to be 100% positive.

Life is more like 50/50. About half our experiences and emotions are uplifting, joyful, exciting, happy, content. The other half? Not so much. That's the reality of being human.

Think of emotions like weather. Some days are sunny, some are cloudy, some bring rain or snow. We don't get mad at the sky when it clouds over. In the same way, we shouldn't push away or feel upset about difficult emotions.

If it's raining, you grab an umbrella. If there's snow, you put on boots. You adjust and keep moving forward. That's emotional maturity - the ability to not be thrown off by the 50% of life that's harder, but instead give yourself what you need to manage through it.

What Emotional Resilience Really Means

Emotional resilience isn't forcing yourself to feel good all the time. It's becoming the kind of person who can handle whatever comes, feel it fully, and then create empowering emotions that help you move forward.

Some days are just hard. You lose a job. You fight with your spouse or friend. You hear sad news about people you care about. These things are part of life, and it's perfectly human to feel sad, frustrated, hurt, or disappointed.

When we're told to 'just think positive,' we believe we need to fix our emotions. But what we actually need is to process them - all of them. The good ones, the uncomfortable ones, the ugly ones.

How to Process Emotions (Instead of Numbing Them)

Think of processing emotions like metabolizing food. When we eat, our bodies process it, use it, and turn it into energy and waste. Emotions work similarly. When we don't metabolize them - when we distract or numb ourselves - they don't go away. They get stuck in our bodies or bubble up in unhealthy ways later.

One of my favorite approaches is this simple statement: "I'm fully capable of feeling this." When anxiety, stress, sadness, or grief arrives, I remind myself: "I can feel anxious today, and that's okay." You really can feel frustration, anger, grief, guilt - all of it.

The better we become at welcoming all emotions, the more freedom we gain. This approach helped me overcome emotional eating. I used to turn to food whenever I was stressed, sad, hurt, or even bored. But when I realized emotions are natural and manageable - like weather - I responded differently. I no longer had to run from feelings or eat to distract myself.

Your Emotional Weather Gear for the Holidays

The holidays intensify emotions. We're around family we don't see often, some relationships feel strained, expectations go unmet. We think about loved ones we've lost or people struggling with health or financial challenges. Maybe it's been a hard year personally.

This season gives us opportunities to slow down, reflect, think, and feel. So here's your invitation: Lean into this beautiful 50/50 life. Expect difficult, uncomfortable emotions, and know it's perfectly okay.

Think about weather gear for your feelings:

• When sadness comes, grab your warm jacket of comfort or wrap yourself in a blanket of gentle acceptance

• When grief shows up, slip into your boots of courage and carry a torch of remembrance

• When anger rises, put on your gloves of clarity and hold the shield of perspective

• When fear arrives, lace up your boots of courage and wrap your scarf of reassurance around your heart

• When guilt appears, wear your coat of self-compassion and carry your lantern of accountability

• When loneliness hits, snuggle into your mittens of connection and hold a cup of warmth

• When joy arrives, throw on your sunglasses of presence, wear your hat of celebration, and step into your boots of adventure

Three Steps to Process Any Emotion

Here's a simple framework for processing emotions instead of ignoring or numbing them:

Step 1: Name It to Claim It

Identify the emotion in one single word. Be precise. When it comes out as a sentence, it's usually a thought, not an emotion. Is it frustration or annoyance? Insecurity or inferiority? Boredom or apathy? Getting sophisticated in labeling emotions helps you gain clarity about what you're truly feeling.

Step 2: Locate It in Your Body

Do a body scan. Start with your forehead, work down to your eyes, nose, mouth, ears, neck, shoulders, chest, and so on. Notice what's happening in your body. Emotion is simply a chemical or hormone moving through you - energy, vibration. Where do you feel it? Anger might feel like heat in your head or tension in your jaw. Anxiety might be tightness in your stomach. Sadness might be heaviness in your chest.

Step 3: Feel It

All emotions have a rise, a peak, and a fall. Let them flow through your body without trying to fix, distract, or numb them. Slow down, be still, and feel. One of the most common ways we avoid uncomfortable emotions is staying busy, especially during holidays. But I'm asking you to do something different: slow down and recognize that it's totally okay to feel terrible sometimes. It's part of this beautiful, messy human experience.

What Happens When You Don't Process Emotions

Many of us were never taught this. In families like mine, we were told to 'stuff it down,' 'pull up your big girl panties,' 'suck it up.' Women especially have been told emotions are weakness. But the truth? Emotions are neither good nor bad. They're simply clues - doorways into understanding ourselves better.

Being disconnected from emotions creates anxiety, depression, addiction, and even physical symptoms. In the book The Body Keeps the Score, we learn that unprocessed emotions can get stuck in the body, contributing to unexplained pain, chronic fatigue, autoimmune disease, and more. Processing emotions isn't just mental work - it's physical and deeply necessary for overall well-being.

When you practice processing emotions, something amazing happens: you realize there's no emotion to fear. When you know every feeling is okay and discomfort is okay, things like overeating, emotional eating, scrolling, binge-watching, or retail therapy lose their grip because you no longer need them to cope.

Your Invitation This Holiday Season

No, you don't have to steer your ship with positivity. You just sit in your ship, observe where the waves of emotions are taking you, and let them flow without fighting or resisting.

As we move deeper into the holiday season, if someone says something triggering, if you feel the ache of missing a loved one, if sadness comes out of nowhere - let yourself feel it. Grab your emotional weather gear. Let it rain, let it snow or shine, and remember that all emotions rise, peak, and then pass.

Embracing the 50/50 life, especially during this season, is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. You don't need to force positivity. You just need to feel, to process, and to let it be as it is - messy, beautiful, painful, joyful, and entirely human.

Ready to build emotional resilience that carries you through any season? Listen to the full episode of Wellness Mastery with Jen Hoyer for more insights on embracing the 50/50 life and processing emotions with courage.

Listen to Episode 40: Your 50/50 Holiday

https://www.wellnessmasteryforlife.com/podcast/episode/418ec74b/episode-40-your-5050-holiday