Self-Sabotage and the Upper Limit Problem

Have you ever lost weight and made real progress over months, only to find yourself right back in old eating patterns? Maybe you've thought, "I've been here before - not sure what's going to be different this time." Or perhaps, "I'm the type of person who loses the weight and then falls back into old habits, and I can't figure out why."

If so, welcome to the club. Today we're talking about an invisible force that pulls us back into old patterns just when things start going really well - especially when it comes to weight, habits, and even our capacity for happiness and success.

It's called the Upper Limit Problem, and understanding it might be the missing piece you've been looking for.

Understanding the Upper Limit Problem

The term was coined by Dr. Gay Hendricks in his book "The Big Leap," and it helped me make sense of so many of my own "Why did I do that?" moments.

Here's how Dr. Hendricks describes it: We each have an inner thermostat, a kind of internal set point that determines how much success, joy, love, and happiness we allow ourselves. When we begin to exceed that internal threshold, even unconsciously, something inside us kicks in to pull us back down to a level we recognize as safe or familiar.

It's not because we want to mess up or go back to old habits. It's not because we're inherently weak, broken, or morally failing. It's because our nervous system is wired for familiarity.

What It Looks Like in Real Life

You start eating well consistently - first a week, then two weeks, then three. Then you wake up one morning and just eat everything like you used to. Anything you want, because well, you deserve it and you've been trying so hard and you just need a break.

I've heard that story time and time again. Many women tell me, "I can make it about two weeks" or "I can make it about a month and then I just go back to my old habits."

Or maybe you've made real progress and someone mentions they notice you've lost weight. Suddenly you go home and binge eat that very day.

Maybe you've set a new healthy routine with solid habits, and then out of the blue you just stop. Like something invisible pulls you back into your old ways.

This is the upper limit problem in action. Your subconscious says, "This feels uncomfortable, even if it's good, even if it's healthy. Let's move back to what's familiar."

The Biology Behind the Upper Limit

This isn't just psychological - it lines up with how our bodies work physically too.

Scientists have found that our bodies almost defend a weight we're at, like a thermostat setting, using hormones, appetite signals, and energy regulation. When we lose weight too quickly, our body responds by increasing hunger and slowing metabolism because it thinks it's returning us to that familiar set point.

In other words, our body literally tries to pull us back into balance, even if that balance is an unhealthy weight. This is similar to what happens in the upper limit problem - our brain and body are both wired to defend a baseline, whether it's body weight or even happiness.

We also have what scientists describe as a dopamine set point. Our brains get used to a certain level of reward, comfort, or pleasure, and when we go above that, we start to feel weird or anxious.

That's why something good can start to feel scary or even undeserved. This is biological. Our nervous system is built to protect us, to keep us safe, to keep us in the zone we already know - even if that zone feels unhealthy and we desperately want to be anywhere but there.

My Own Upper Limit Journey

I've had this upper limit problem too. Now that I know what it is and I've studied psychology, nervous systems, and biology, I can see it working throughout different chapters in my life. Maybe now you can see it in yours as well.

In my own weight loss journey, I worked really hard for 18 months. Many people are surprised that it took me 18 months to lose what might seem like an insignificant amount - 33 pounds. Especially when the internet tells us sustainable weight loss should be one to two pounds per week.

Eighteen months, 33 pounds. You do the math. I worked really hard because it was a lot of two steps forward, one step back, three steps forward, four steps back.

I realize now that a lot of what was at play was this upper limit problem. I tried to stay consistent and kept showing up, yet there were so many moments where I found myself thinking:

"I'm probably not going to stay at this weight anyway."

"Maybe this is just what 40-something is supposed to look like."

"Maybe I'm just supposed to be chubby. Maybe that's just who I am, my body type."

"I don't know that I'm strong enough or capable enough."

Those thoughts weren't just thoughts. They were identity beliefs - beliefs about who I was. They were part of my old mental thermostat, my old mental upper limit problem. Until I saw that, I was stuck.

But once I saw it, once I understood that I had been defending an identity I no longer wanted, I realized I could change it. Sometimes awareness is all you need to make changes.

Why We Turn to Self-Judgment Instead

When we hit this upper limit problem, we start to wonder: Am I broken? Is there something wrong with me? Why can't I do this? I always go back to the same things. I have no willpower. I need to be more disciplined.

We turn to judgment of ourselves. But instead, if we can understand ourselves and see what's going on with awareness and without judgment, sometimes that's all we need to make changes.

Your identity is made up of your beliefs - not your desires, goals, or intentions, but your beliefs. And beliefs are work. They aren't just feelings we can snap out of. They're patterns shaped by your past, your nervous system, your subconscious.

But here's the very best news: You can change them.

Three Steps to Move Past Your Upper Limit

1. Take an Honest and Compassionate Inventory of Your Beliefs

What do you believe about yourself, your capabilities, your potential? What do you say to yourself when things are going well or not going well?

Most of us turn to judgment, trying to give ourselves explanations like "I'm just weak" or "I'm just different" or "There's something wrong with me." You need to understand what those beliefs are right now. Be really honest. This isn't anything you have to share with anyone else - you can write them down and rip them up or light them on fire if you want.

Where did those beliefs come from? When we start understanding the genesis of these thoughts, maybe they came from a place that seems understandable, justifiable, valid. There's a reason for them. It's not about beating yourself up - that's why there's compassion in this honest and compassionate inventory. It's just about seeing, having awareness.

You cannot change what you cannot name.

Write them down - something different happens when we pull thoughts out of our brain onto paper. Be curious, not critical. Ask: Why do I believe this? What evidence is this belief based on? Is it 100% true 100% of the time?

This step is important because the only reason the upper limit problem keeps happening is that these beliefs live in the subconscious. Until you bring them to light, they'll continue to run the show and pull you back into old familiar habits.

2. Decide If You Want to Change Those Beliefs

Sounds simple, right? Of course you're thinking, "Well duh, Jen, if I'm thinking I'm broken, I don't want to keep that belief." But really ask yourself if you want to change it.

Once you see it, you get to choose it or change it. I'm not talking about pushing it away or pretending it's gone - just decide: Do you want to carry this belief forward or leave it behind?

Old beliefs were created to protect you or serve a purpose in some way. Thank them, but you don't have to believe them forever. Don't be fooled by them.

For each belief you write down, ask: Does this serve who I want to become? If the answer is no, that's your cue to replace it with something different.

3. Invite Your Future Self to Show You What's Next

This is where vision meets identity. Picture the you you want to become. What does she believe about herself? It's going to be very different from what you believe right now.

What does she see when she looks in the mirror? Not her weight or body shape - what does she see when she looks in her own eyes? Who does she see? What choices does she make effortlessly, like they're just part of who she is?

Your future self holds the answers to what you need to release, change, or embrace. You can even connect with future you and have a conversation:

"Future Jen, what do you believe about food? What do you believe about our abilities, our body, our life? What do you believe about your worth, beauty, strength?"

Lean into this because Future You has figured out all the things you're trying to figure out right now. Then start acting as if you're already that person, one small decision at a time.

After writing down your current beliefs, write down all the beliefs Future You has. Notice the difference, the gap. What does she say? What guidance does she give?

She should be very different from you because human beings are wired for growth.

Resetting Your Internal Thermostat

Remember this: Your body has a set point, your brain has a set point, and your nervous system has one too. But there is no limit to your capacity for love, joy, peace, and transformation.

When you choose to step above your old internal limits with honesty, courage, and willingness to reshape your identity, you slowly, gently change your thermostat. It's not something you can just dial up or dial down instantly.

That's why sustainable weight loss is slow. That's why identity work is slow. That's why this internal work is slow - because it's a slow, gentle change. But I believe this is the work that can truly set you free.

If you've been feeling stuck, like you're fighting yourself, or like you don't understand why you always go back to old habits even though you know you want to change, this might be the work you're ready to take on.

Ready to understand and reset your internal thermostat? Listen to the full episode of Wellness Mastery with Jen Hoyer for more insights on breaking free from the upper limit problem.

Recommended reading: "The Big Leap" by Dr. Gay Hendricks

Listen to Episode 43: Self-Sabotage and the Upper Limit Problem

https://www.wellnessmasteryforlife.com/podcast/episode/304ce42a/episode-43-self-sabotage-and-the-upper-limit-problem