You Don't Need Fixing: Why Self-Acceptance Is the Foundation of True Wellness

What if everything you've been told about needing to "fix" yourself is completely wrong? What if the gap in your teeth, the freckles on your skin, the curves of your body, or the things you've spent years trying to change aren't flaws at all but actually part of what makes you beautifully, uniquely you?

This revelation hit me recently in the most unexpected place: the dentist's chair. My new dentist looked at my teeth and without hesitation said, "Oh, we can fix your teeth now." She was referring to the gap between my two front teeth that I've had my entire life. For a split second, I felt that old familiar pang of shame. Then something powerful happened. I smiled and said, "No thank you. I don't need them fixed."

That moment reminded me of something we all need to hear: so much of our lives are spent trying to fix things about ourselves that were never actually broken in the first place.

When "Different" Became "Wrong"

Growing up, I hated my gap-toothed smile. I thought it made me stand out in all the wrong ways. I tried fillers to close the space. I hid it in pictures, refusing to smile with my teeth showing. I did whatever I could to make it disappear because I believed it was something that needed fixing.

But in my thirties, everything changed when I started researching my family genealogy. My great aunt sent me a package of family history documents, including a chart that listed medical traits throughout our generations. Right there, listed among our family characteristics, was something called a "diastema" - the clinical term for the gap between your two front teeth.

Suddenly, this thing I thought was ugly and wrong about me was actually something that connected me to my family heritage. Not just any part of my family, but my grandmother's side - the side that exhibits incredible strength, intelligence, resilience, and adventure. My grandma, one of my heroes, hiked Mount Whitney at 85 years old. She was the definition of vitality and strength.

The insight: That little gap wasn't a flaw to be fixed. It was a reminder of who I came from and the powerful legacy I carry.

The Cultural Trap of Never Being Enough

I'm a freckled redhead with pale skin, and I grew up when tanning was everything and blonde hair was the beauty standard. I thought I needed to be completely different than who I was. I even tried building a "base tan" in tanning beds, which resulted in a painful striped burn and heat stroke that literally made me sick.

This is the trap we all fall into when we measure ourselves against magazine images, Instagram feeds, or societal beauty standards. We think if we just tweak this or shrink that or smooth something out, we'll finally be enough.

But here's what nobody tells you: the bar keeps moving. In the 50s and 60s, women were supposed to have curves and look natural. The 80s and 90s demanded ultra-thin bodies or rock-hard abs. Now we're told to have enormous curves in some places, bee-stung lips, no wrinkles, and no stretch marks.

The truth: We're never going to hit the mark that society sets because it keeps changing. When we keep trying to meet impossible standards, it leaves us miserable and feeling perpetually lacking.

The Spiritual Battle for Your Self-Worth

This isn't just about personal insecurities. I believe we're in a cultural and spiritual battle over how we see ourselves. In C.S. Lewis's "The Screwtape Letters," a senior demon explains to his nephew how they manipulate human beauty standards through artists, advertisers, and fashion makers.

The goal? To direct our desires toward "something which doesn't exist" - bodies that are "pinched in and propped up" to appear "more boyish than nature allows a full-grown woman to be." The result is that women fear growing old, developing curves, or being authentically womanly.

When I think back to my attempts to tan, hide my freckles, and fill my tooth gap, I realize it wasn't just personal insecurity. I was responding to a much larger messaging machine telling me that my value was defined by youth, by airbrushing, by what isn't truly human or womanly.

The reality: The traits that culture tries to erase are often the ones that anchor us to our heritage, our strengths, and our lived-in bodies.

Five Truths to Embrace When You Feel Broken

1. We're Not All Meant to Look Alike

I was never meant to look like the tan, blonde beauty standard. Imagine if we all did - how boring would that be? I love that younger generations are celebrating differences, recognizing that freckles, gaps, unique shapes and sizes are what make us interesting and beautiful.

2. Your Body Is Designed for Function, Not Perfection

An ex-boyfriend once told me he preferred women with thigh gaps. Well, he said it to a woman who will never have one. My legs build muscle, they're strong, and they carry me through workouts, hikes, long work days, and all of life's adventures. A recent decade-long study found that stronger legs are linked to better cognitive function and healthier brains. I'll take that over a thigh gap any day.

3. Comparison Is the Thief of Joy

When we compare ourselves, we almost always lose because we're comparing our real, lived-in bodies to someone else's highlight reel or worse, to Photoshop. We lose our confidence and appreciation for our unique, beautiful bodies. This comparison trap is something we all must actively resist.

4. Fixing Isn't the Answer, Appreciating Is

We don't have to spend our lives tweaking, hiding, or altering ourselves. What if we shifted that energy into appreciation and gratitude? This is a process - moving from acceptance to appreciation to love. It's not overnight, but it's the path to true wellness.

5. Your Worth Isn't Tied to Your Looks

You have a beautiful sense of humor, kindness, resilience, creativity, and intelligence. These are what make you unforgettable. I recently heard someone say, "At your funeral, no one's going to talk about how you looked in a bathing suit." How much time do we waste worrying about our appearance when who we are matters so much more?

Why Self-Love Actually Leads to Better Health

Here's what might surprise you: when you start accepting and loving your body as it is, that's actually when you begin taking the best care of it. This feels counterintuitive, but it's true.

When we're at war with our bodies, we punish them. We starve them, over-exercise them, criticize them. None of these actions create true, deep health. They create exhaustion, shame, and disconnection from our bodies.

But when we embrace our freckles, curves, strengths, and quirks - the things that make us uniquely us - something shifts. We start wanting to nourish our bodies with good food, not restrict them. We want to move in ways that feel joyful, not punishing. We rest when needed, hydrate, and care for these beautiful bodies because we value them.

The transformation: When you stop obsessing about fixing yourself, you finally have the energy and clarity to love yourself into better health. This is what true wellness looks like - not chasing a number on a scale or squeezing into a mold that was never meant for your body.

Your Beautiful Story

My gap-toothed smile, my freckles, my powerful legs, my curves - they're not flaws to erase. They're part of my story, my uniqueness. The same is true for you. Your body traits are part of your beautiful uniqueness too.

If you've spent too much time, energy, or money trying to fix yourself, maybe today you can step back and ask: "What if I don't need fixing? What if I just need more love?"

The world will keep telling you that you need fixing. Diets tell us we need fixing. Beauty ads tell us we need fixing. Social media tells us we need fixing. Sometimes even people we love suggest we need fixing.

But here's the truth: You don't need to be fixed. You need to be embraced, accepted, and loved. Yes, we can make changes for our health, improve our habits, build strength, and learn to manage our minds better. But that's different from believing we're broken.

You're not broken. You're beautifully, perfectly, uniquely you. And that's exactly who you're meant to be.

Ready to explore more about building a healthy relationship with your body and mind? Listen to the full episode of Wellness Mastery with Jen Hoyer for more personal stories and insights about embracing yourself exactly as you are.

Listen to Episode 33: You Don't Need Fixing