Why Knowing What to Do Isn't Always Enough
- jenniferhoyer77
- Dec 5
- 5 min read
Have you ever had a doctor tell you to "just lose weight" or "just exercise more"? As if you didn't already know that? If you've felt frustrated by well-meaning advice that completely misses why you're struggling, this message is for you.
A recent conversation gave me profound insight into why many doctors don't understand why it's difficult for some to create lasting healthy habits, even when they know exactly what to do.
The Surgeon's Frustration
Last week, a retired surgeon approached me after a class I taught. He'd performed bariatric surgeries for years and ran weight loss centers where his staff provided comprehensive support before and after surgery. They told patients what to eat, how to exercise, how to maintain their weight loss.
But here's what frustrated him enough to leave the field: Despite the surgery, the money, the pain, the recovery, and the detailed instructions, most patients eventually returned to old habits and regained the weight.
"We would talk to them. We would give them the plan," he said, genuinely confused about why knowing what to do wasn't enough.
When Knowing What to Do Is Enough (And When It Isn't)
This surgeon shared that he'd gained weight in his 20s, felt awful and unhealthy, learned how to exercise and eat right, and just did it. For him, knowing what to do was absolutely enough.
And that's true for some people. If you don't have heavy emotional attachment to food or an identity tied to something from your past, the practical information might be all you need. That's wonderful.
But for many of us, it's far more complicated.
The Identity That Shaped My Journey
I shared with him why I got into coaching - my own journey. Growing up, my mom nicknamed me "Medium Fat." To some, that might seem small, but it left a deep impression on how I viewed myself. It created much of my identity.
Like many women I work with, I used food as a substitute for real joy, for comfort, as a stand-in for pain. Those deep beliefs, those stories I carried about myself, the way I attached meaning to food - these were at the root of why I struggled to follow through, even when I knew what to do.
A family member recently reminded me that even as a baby, my mom was disgusted with my size. She would tell my mom that my chunkiness just meant I'd grow tall and healthy (which I did - I'm one of the tallest in my family). But that early message became a deep-seated belief that influenced every decision I made around eating and caring for myself.
Sometimes we carry beliefs from childhood that shape us far into adulthood, even around something that seems simple to others.
Three Signs You Need Deeper Work
If you're like me and knowing what to do hasn't been enough, here are signs that point to deeper work:
1. Feelings of Worthlessness or Struggle to Accept Yourself
This shows up as constant self-criticism, feeling like you're never enough. Interestingly, it sometimes manifests as judgment of others - which was true for me. That judgment of others reflected the harsh judgment I had for myself.
Maybe you've tried many diets and workouts, seen some results, but it never feels like enough. Your motivation is short-lived because your self-talk is so harsh. Who wants to live with that voice in their head?
Here's the truth: we only care for the things we love most. Think about a new phone, car, or pet - you take excellent care of what you love. If self-care feels impossible, it might be about a lack of self-love.
2. Avoiding or Numbing Emotions
You might find yourself shoving feelings down instead of processing them. It's like stuffing emotions into boxes, taping them shut, and cramming them in a closet. Eventually, those shelves break.
When stress, sadness, or frustration arise, maybe you ignore or numb them with food, shopping, scrolling, or binge-watching. The problem isn't the distraction itself - it's what's happening underneath. Unprocessed emotions show up as sabotaging behaviors around food, exercise, and healthy habits.
Ask yourself: Do you fully allow and process your emotions, or do you shove them in a box and close the door?
3. Lack of Understanding About Yourself
This shows up in comments like "I'm not sure why I do that" or "I don't know why I can't break this habit."
Maybe you reach for food because it provides comfort you don't have elsewhere. Maybe you didn't feel comforted as a child. For me, candy provided joy as a child, so when I faced stressful adult situations, I turned to candy constantly - it was the comfort I knew.
Maybe you overwork because you didn't feel seen at some point, attaching accomplishments to worthiness. As you uncover these truths and understand what drives your choices, the "what" of health becomes less important because you realize it was never going to be enough to create lasting change.
Awareness, Acceptance, and Hope
This isn't about blame. I don't blame my mom - I understand it was more about her and what she felt inside than about me. I love my mom and see her for who she is and what she lacked.
What this is about is awareness, acceptance, and hope.
Awareness of exactly who you are. Ferocious acceptance of who you are, your life experiences, the people who may have caused pain or lacked in meeting your needs. Hope because even if you've felt stuck for years, it might not be about lack of effort or knowledge.
It's fixable. It's learnable. It's changeable.
It might be about addressing what's beneath the surface. There are beautiful ways to rewire beliefs, process emotions, and understand yourself so that healthy habits become natural - part of your new identity.
You're Not Broken
If you've been frustrated with your health journey, remember this: You're not broken. You're not lazy. You're not failing, no matter what a doctor or anyone else has told you.
You're a complex human being with a complex past, an identity, thoughts, and beliefs - some of them limiting - that have created roadblocks. For many of us, it requires so much more than knowing what to do. It requires unraveling the stories we've carried, the fears, the beliefs, and the identity.
Your struggles with weight and health are not a reflection of your worth. They're a reflection of unaddressed beliefs, patterns, and identities that you can change with the right tools and understanding of yourself.
You are absolutely capable of creating change, even when it feels impossible, by addressing these deeper truths little by little.
Ready to explore the deeper work that creates lasting transformation? Listen to the full episode of Wellness Mastery with Jen Hoyer for more insights on why knowing what to do isn't always enough.
Listen to Episode 39: Why Knowing What to Do Isn't Always Enough
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