It's All Made Up Anyway: Finding Peace When Life Doesn't Go According to Plan

I had a day recently that was a powerful reminder of a simple but freeing truth: it's all made up anyway.

That might sound strange at first, but when you really see this, when you realize that so much of what stresses us out or makes us feel off track is just a story in our minds, it can change everything.

Let me tell you what reminded me of this a few days ago.

When Perfect Plans Fall Apart

It's getting cold where I live in Utah. Coming from Texas, I'm not equipped for mountain weather. No proper shoes, Sunday dresses for cold weather, or warm sweaters. We'd already had snowstorms, and I kept thinking I really needed to get to the store for proper clothes.

This weekend we had company coming. Our friend was landing around six, and I had perfect plans. I'd squeeze in shopping and a haircut before she arrived, then come home and cook a cozy dinner after her long travel day. All planned out perfectly in my head.

Everything was going smoothly. Until it wasn't.

After my haircut, I used Google Maps to find the nearest location of the store I needed. Still new to the area, I trusted it completely. I started driving and driving. The further I went, the more uneasy I felt. It was starting to feel really far away, which was not the plan.

When I finally pulled into the parking lot, I realized I was in a far away town, much further from home than I'd intended. Thanks, Google Maps.

Right then, I got a text. Our friend's flight was delayed. My husband and I needed to regroup on pickup plans. The new timeline would take much longer. My perfect plan of a home cooked dinner and smooth evening was gone.

As time ticked by and I realized there was no way to get everything done that I'd originally planned, I felt my body tighten. My thoughts started racing.

"Why did I choose today to do this? Why did Google Maps take me here? I'm wasting so much time. I should be home. This is not how today was supposed to go."

I was in what I call the should storm. You know the one. That mental spin where everything feels wrong because it's not how we pictured it.

The Story We Tell Ourselves

Then I caught myself. I realized all the stress, all the frustration was coming from one thing: the story in my mind. The story of how this day should have gone. The story I made up about how things were supposed to unfold.

When I realized I just made it up, I also recognized something I frequently teach my clients: if I made up that story, I could make up a new one.

I sat in my car, chest tight, breathing shallow, and decided to pause. I focused on my breath, calming my body first, letting the emotion pass through. Then I started to rewrite the story.

I told myself: "I guess I was meant to be here, far from home. My friend was meant to arrive later. My husband was meant to pick her up with me. I was meant to pick up dinner instead of cooking. Maybe I'm at the store for a reason. Maybe I'm supposed to meet someone or find something I really need."

In fact, both of those things happened.

All of a sudden, my body relaxed. My breathing returned to normal. Every time my mind wanted to go back to the old story, I reminded myself: my new story is just as true.

Because it's all made up anyway. Those timelines, plans, shoulds we create in our minds. When life doesn't match up, we create our own suffering.

Byron Katie's Wisdom on Reality

Byron Katie, one of my favorite teachers on this subject, says: "Where reality is concerned, there is no 'what should be.' There is only what is, just the way it is right now."

She teaches that suffering comes from believing things should be different than they are. When we accept reality and stop resisting what is, peace naturally follows.

This doesn't just apply to travel plans or busy days. It applies to everything, including our health and weight loss journeys.

The Made Up Version of You

Every day, we have the opportunity to choose our stories, to lean into reality or resist it.

Maybe you've experienced this. You have a vision of your ideal self. The version who eats perfectly, exercises daily, has endless motivation, and never slips up.

Then there's real you. Reality is where life gets messy, where you make choices that don't always align with goals. Where you feel tired, emotional, distracted, or off track.

When those moments happen, you might think: "I should have done better. I shouldn't have eaten that. I should have worked out. I should have more willpower."

That's where we start creating another should storm, which creates stress, anxiety, disappointment, even shame.

Here's the freeing truth: that ideal you're comparing yourself to is also just made up. You made it up. Or someone, somewhere made up what we're supposed to do in our health journey, and you just bought that story.

What we're supposed to eat, how we're supposed to move, how quickly we should lose weight. It's confusing because there are millions of conflicting versions of that story out there.

Someone made all that up. When we stop resisting reality and instead lean into it, we become empowered. We can start making up our own story, one that fits our real life, real body, and real season.

4 Ways to Lean Into Reality

1. Recognize When You're in a Should Storm

For me, my body tells me first. My chest tightens, breathing gets shallow, my mind starts racing. I feel deep discomfort, like I shouldn't be where I am even though that's where I am.

How does it show up for you? Start figuring out what clues your body and brain give you. Awareness is critical. Many of us have lived in a world of shoulds so long it feels automatic. You have to slow down to notice and turn off autopilot.

When you start to spin, that's your cue. Pause and notice. Maybe say out loud: "Oh, I'm totally arguing with reality right now" or "I'm just making up what this should look like."

2. Ground Yourself in the Moment

In my late teens and early 20s, I went to yoga every week with my mom. My yoga teacher was this beautiful 80-something-year-old woman, sweet and calm. I'd come from work or school racing in my mind, and I loved how she'd ground us.

Put your feet firmly on the ground where you're sitting or standing. Feel the ground beneath you. Feel yourself grounded to the earth. Repeat: "I am right here, right now, exactly where I'm supposed to be."

This helps when your brain tells you things are out of control and you should be somewhere else. Grounding yourself physically helps you remember you can be grounded emotionally and mentally too.

3. Lean Into Reality With "And That's Okay"

One of my favorite phrases is "and that's okay."

That day I could have said: "Google Maps took me to a faraway store, and that's okay. My friend's plane is running late, and that's okay. Our dinner plans changed, and that's okay."

Apply this to your health journey: "I missed my workout, and that's okay. I overate at dinner, and that's okay. I'm learning how to take care of myself, and that's okay."

Every "and that's okay" softens resistance and brings you back to peace.

You might think: "Wait, if I simply say it's okay, I'll never change. I'm letting myself off the hook." But self-compassion doesn't mean giving up. It actually empowers more change.

Kristin Neff says high levels of self-compassion are linked to increased happiness, optimism, curiosity, and connectedness, as well as decreased anxiety, depression, rumination, and fear of failure. Self-compassionate individuals don't berate themselves when they fail, so they're more able to admit mistakes, modify behaviors, and take on new challenges.

When you say "I skipped that workout, and that's okay," you're not giving up on your goal. You're refusing to create extra suffering by adding shame. You're staying connected to reality, acknowledging it, and staying open to your next move.

4. Create a New Story

If you made up the old story where everything went wrong, you can make up a new one that serves you better.

My new story that day: "Maybe I was meant to find something or meet someone at this store."

In your health journey, your new story might be: "I'm learning to listen to my body" or "I'm practicing consistency and letting go of perfection" or "This is just one day, not the whole story" or "I'm human, and this isn't going to be perfectly linear. That's more than okay. It's actually exactly how it's supposed to go."

When Life Happens

Let's say you plan your perfect healthy day or week. You know exactly what you'll eat, when you'll exercise, you'll get to bed early, get your steps in, drink water, make home cooked dinner. The ideal plan.

Then life happens. A child gets sick. Work gets stressful. You're asked to stay late. You oversleep and skip your workout. Dinner ends up being takeout.

If you resist that reality and spin in thoughts like "I messed up, I'm off track, this day was ruined," you're adding stress. Chronic stress isn't good for your body, hormones, or health.

If instead you say, "Okay, today was totally different than I thought, and that's okay," you stay grounded, flexible, and calm.

Life will always throw curveballs. Maybe 80% of your days go as planned, but 20% won't. That 20% doesn't have to derail you when you remember that the plan you made was made up to begin with.

So why not make up a story that helps you feel better? Because it's all made up anyway.

You can either have a peaceful, joyful journey to better health, or one full of should storms, stress, anxiety, and disappointment. It's up to you.

You are right where you're supposed to be. You can always rewrite the story. And it's all going to be okay.

Ready to let go of should storms and embrace reality? Listen to the full episode of Wellness Mastery with Jen Hoyer for more insights on creating peace when life doesn't go according to plan.

Listen to Episode 37: It's All Made Up Anyway