Who Do You Think You Are? Why Your Identity Shapes Your Wellness Success

"I was doing so well, then I went on vacation and now I can't get back to it."

"Weekends always throw me off."

"Evenings are just so hard - I lose all motivation."

"I was on a roll, but then life got crazy and I lost steam."

Sound familiar? These aren't just complaints about habits or discipline. They point to something much deeper that affects every aspect of lasting wellness transformation.

Let me ask you a question that might sound provocative at first, but it's asked with love: Who do you think you are?

This isn't rhetorical or cliché. It's the question that can shift your entire approach to health, growth, and ultimately, transformation.

The Secret Isn't in Your To-Do List

The secret to sustainable transformation isn't in your to-do list or even in the habits you're trying to create or break. It's in your identity.

When you struggle with vacations, weekends, evenings, or when life gets chaotic, what's really happening is a tug of war between two versions of yourself: the version that wants to change and has created a vision for something better, and the version that's comfortable living in old habits and beliefs.

This inner conflict is exhausting. If you've ever felt like you're fighting yourself, you are.

That's why focusing only on outcomes like weight loss, consistency, or clean eating often doesn't hold. We use willpower, and willpower always runs out.

Our old neural pathways are strong. If you haven't shifted your identity - who you believe you are - those old patterns will always win.

But when you focus on identity, on who you want to become, everything changes.

The Most Effective Way to Change

James Clear writes in Atomic Habits: "The most effective way to change your habits is to focus not on what you want to achieve, but on who you wish to become."

This hits the center of sustainable wellness. It's not about chasing a goal like a number on the scale or clothing size. It's about becoming the kind of person who naturally creates that result as a byproduct of who they are.

Years ago, I thought it was just about losing weight. But when I started wanting more, when I wanted health to become part of who I was naturally, part of my identity, everything shifted. I didn't want to be someone always trying to get healthy. I wanted to be someone who was healthy at my core - mind, body, and soul.

Instead of asking "Did I check all my boxes today? Did I eat well, work out, meditate, hydrate?" I started asking "Did my thoughts, choices, and behaviors align with who I want to become?"

Beyond Titles: Building Character-Based Identity

You might start thinking about new identity in terms of titles: fit, thin, healthy. But I want to challenge you to think differently. Instead of making your identity a title, think about it in terms of characteristics and values.

In my quest for true transformation, I created a list of values and characteristics to guide every thought, action, choice, and decision, even when life was crazy or I felt my worst.

My list included: Strong, resilient, compassionate with myself, balanced, emotionally resilient, peaceful, and 100% responsible.

Notice none of these relate to the scale, measurements, or dress sizes. These values became the lens for my choices because this list represents who I wanted to be regarding my health.

You already have a list like this. Think about times when money was scarce. You probably wouldn't rob a bank or steal because your values of integrity and honesty wouldn't allow it. You have guiding principles already - they might just be fuzzy when it comes to health and wellness.

The Power of Portable Identity

When you build identity on characteristics, something amazing happens. You take it with you everywhere. On vacation, during weekends, into evening hours. You don't "fall off the wagon" because this isn't a wagon you get on and off. It's simply who you are.

Life is meant to challenge and test you to prove who you want to be. Life is the ultimate gym where you strengthen the identity you're building. You won't feel aligned every day. You won't crush your plan 100% of the time. You're practicing becoming.

Hard moments don't become setbacks. They become opportunities to prove your values are real.

When your flight's delayed and the hotel only has junk food, that's your training ground. When kids are melting down and you're exhausted, that's your gym for practicing your values and characteristics.

Don't ask "Who do I want to be on my best day?" That's easy. Ask "Who do I want to be on my most challenging day?" That's the version you're actually building.

Overcoming Old Identity Stories

One major obstacle to identity transformation is old identity stories - beliefs handed to you by others. Maybe you were told you're lazy, emotional, never finish anything, "just like your mom," or "big-boned."

Those words stick not because they were true, but because you were young and impressionable. These stories are someone else's opinions filtered through their lives, beliefs, and limitations.

You don't have to live in that box anymore. You get to decide who you want to be today. You can choose new beliefs, values, and identity. That might have been the story you were given, but it doesn't have to be your truth.

Your Identity Building Exercise

Take time this week to ask: Who do I want to be? Don't settle for labels or titles. Go deeper.

What characteristics do you want to embody? What values do you want to show up in every area of your life, especially on hard days?

Remember, you already live by certain values. There are lines you wouldn't cross, things you'd never do. Take that same determination and apply it to your health, weight, body, and how you treat yourself.

My guess is you wouldn't be cruel to your best friend, kids, or spouse. But you might be cruel to yourself. Some characteristics you want to develop, you already possess - you just don't apply them to yourself or your wellness journey.

Building Your New Identity

Once you decide who you want to be, start living into that person one thought, choice, and small action at a time. It will never be perfect, but it can be powerful.

Your identity isn't built in big dramatic moves. It's built in quiet, small, consistent thoughts and choices every day. Even more importantly, it's built in your beliefs about yourself.

The Empowering Truth

So back to the original question: Who do you think you are?

Your answer doesn't have to be about past decisions, old stories, or worst moments. It's about what you decide to believe today and choose to believe tomorrow. That's completely up to you.

How empowering is that?! You already know this secret because you're living it in other areas of life. You just need to apply it to yourself and your health.

This is where your freedom lives. Not in perfect meal plans or flawless workout schedules, but in consciously choosing who you want to become and then practicing that identity every day.

You won't become this person overnight, but you will become them over time. Define your path by deciding who you want to be, then keep working on becoming that person, one small choice at a time.

Ready to explore how identity transformation can revolutionize your wellness journey? Listen to the full episode of Wellness Mastery with Jen Hoyer for deeper insights on becoming the person your goals naturally flow from.

Listen to Episode 25: Who Do You Think You Are?