Hard Doesn't Have to Mean Bad: Reframing Struggle as Strength Building

Mount Timp Alpine Trail - meet our hiking budies Luna and Roxy!

A few weeks ago, I took a hike that was no walk in the park. Six miles in with 3,500 feet of elevation gain. If you're not familiar with what that feels like, imagine climbing stairs for hours while your legs burn, your feet ache, and you keep thinking you're close, only to turn a corner and realize: more uphill.

I'd describe this hike as steep, unrelenting, and honestly very hard. My feet were sore, my leg muscles were on fire, and I had to take several breaks just to catch my breath. The downhill wasn't much easier because I've been experiencing some foot pain while hiking, and all that pressure on my tender spots was almost unbearable at times.

But here's the thing: I was also loving it.

The waterfalls we passed, the mountain goats perched on the mountainside, wildflowers dotting the trail, and finally that beautiful lake at the end. It was all so breathtaking. The dogs were running around having the time of their lives. The people we met were smiling, friendly, and encouraging.

In fact, my husband and I always remark that the nicest people are hikers. You'd let someone pass and they'd say "thank you so much," then call back "have a great hike" as they moved on. There was this atmosphere of camaraderie on the trail, like we were all in this challenge together.

At one point on the way down, we stopped to talk with a man and his son. They had heavy backpacks and asked how close they were to the lake. We told them it was near but there was one final steep push before they'd reach it. They laughed and said, "Yeah, this hike is so challenging." We agreed, but then they added, "Isn't it the most amazing hike? We love it."

That struck me. Here we all were, sweaty, sore, tired, and still smiling.

Why Hard Feels Different in Different Contexts

As we walked away, I turned to my husband and said, "This is the most unrelenting hike I think I've ever been on. Switchbacks, steep uphill, big boulders to climb over. Yet everyone we've met is happy, friendly, and encouraging. Why is it that when it comes to life's challenges, we complain and moan about how hard things are? But here we are on this super hard hike, and all we see are smiles."

My husband said something that really stuck with me: "Probably because we choose this hard. We choose to do this hike. But a lot of the hard things in life, we don't choose them. Or at least we don't think we choose them."

Wow. That hit me. Why does getting healthy, losing weight, or making lifestyle changes feel like the bad kind of hard that makes us want to complain? What if we could start treating those hard things like we would this hike? Hard, yes, but beautiful, rewarding, and so worth it.

Everyone on that trail had burning legs. Some had foot pain, aching knees, or heavy packs weighing them down. Yet all of us kept moving, smiling, and encouraging each other. How can we bring that same mindset into other areas of our lives?

The Danger of Resisting Hard Things

When we approach the hard parts of getting healthy with grumbling and negative attitudes, it changes everything. Instead of seeing our progress, we slip into victim mentality: "Why do I have to watch what I eat when others can eat whatever they want? Why is this so unfair? Why is it harder for me than for other women around me?"

When that mindset takes over, it spreads like dark goo covering everything. It does two things. First, it makes the hard thing feel even harder, heavier, magnifying the pain. Second, it tempts us to quit because we've convinced ourselves it's just not worth it.

Imagine if everyone on that hiking trail had been sighing and complaining: "Oh, this is terrible. I hate this trail. Why is it so steep?" That negative energy would have changed the entire experience. I don't think I would have made it to the end of the hike if that had been the atmosphere.

It's the same in life. When we meet our challenges with grumbling, we slow our progress and sometimes stop altogether. We never get to see the beauty waiting at the top of the climb.

5 Mindset Shifts to Transform Hard into Triumph

1. Every Hard Thing Gives Me Experience

When you go through difficulty, it shows you parts of yourself you might not have discovered otherwise. That hike showed me I could keep going even when my muscles were screaming.

Life's challenges give us the chance to discover our resilience, weaknesses, and strengths. Every experience brings awareness of how you react under stress, what triggers you, and where you need growth. From awareness comes compassion - for yourself and others. From compassion comes improvement.

If life were always easy, you'd never know your own depth.

2. Hard Things Strengthen Me

Think about building muscle in the gym. When you lift weights, you're tearing your muscles apart, breaking them down so they rebuild stronger.

It's the same in life. Every hard thing breaks something down - maybe your pride, your habits, your old ways of thinking. That breakdown allows new strength to be built. On that hike, my legs were burning, but they were also getting stronger with every step.

Remind yourself of that when facing your own challenges.

3. Hard Doesn't Need to Mean Bad

We tend to equate hard with bad or negative. If something's uncomfortable, we push it away and assume it's negative. But what if hard just meant hard?

I've heard many women describe their weight loss and health journey like they're reporting the weather: "It's so hard for me." I always say: let it be hard. Hard doesn't mean bad.

That hike was hard, but it wasn't bad. It was beautiful, rewarding, and worth it. Hard just means stretching beyond what's comfortable. Next time you catch yourself labeling something as bad just because it's hard, pause. What if hard can just be hard? And what if that's okay?

4. Hard Things Keep My Priorities in Check

When you're going through something difficult, it strips away surface-level stuff that doesn't matter. On that trail, it didn't matter what size anyone was, whether they had rock-hard abs, or looked great in a bathing suit. None of that mattered.

What mattered was that we were all on the same climb together, panting, sweating, and pushing forward. We cheered each other on and celebrated every step. Showing up and moving forward is what really counts.

Hard things remind us what actually matters: relationships, encouragement, family, health, and purpose. They put everything else into perspective.

5. Doing Hard Things Builds Capacity for More Hard Things

Here's something fascinating about brain science: every time you do something hard, you're literally building and strengthening your brain, making it easier to do the hard thing next time.

Every time you face a challenge, you're training your brain to become better at facing challenges. It's conditioning. There's a region of your brain called the anterior mid-cingulate cortex that plays a key role in handling friction and doing hard things. When you engage in challenging activities, you stimulate growth in this region, which then makes challenging things easier in the future.

So do hard things, and they become easier to do in the future. That's one of the coolest things about our amazing bodies and brains.

Looking for the Lessons

I often say I wouldn't trade my weight struggle for anything. It has taught me so much about myself, shown me where I needed attention, and how I could grow stronger. I'm stronger because of it.

Can you say the same about your hard things? If not, look deeper. See yourself in the struggle. Notice how you've been strengthened. Recognize what you've learned. Reflect on how you've changed for the better.

Some hard things we choose, like my hike or my health journey. Some we don't, like when my mom was diagnosed with dementia. I didn't choose that struggle, but I found so much good in it. I discovered a love for my mom I hadn't been able to touch before. I cared for her and grew stronger. I saw I was capable of managing so much in a short period of time. I saw beautiful things in other people who helped. I saw us come together for the love of another human being.

I wouldn't take that back either. These hard things teach us so many beautiful lessons. But are you looking for them? Can you see them?

Bringing It Full Circle

The hike was hard, no doubt. But it was also stunning, joyful, and memorable. The people on that trail didn't just endure it, they embraced it. At the end, I felt real accomplishment and pride in myself.

Can we approach the other hards in life the same way? What if instead of dreading them, we recognize the experience they bring, the strength they build, the clarity they create, and the brain power they give us for the future?

We don't always get to choose our hard. But we do get to choose one thing, and of this I'm certain: how we show up for it.

Maybe we can show up with the same mindset we brought to a tough but beautiful hike. Keep facing the hard things not with dread, but with determination and maybe even curiosity. What am I going to learn from this? What am I going to see about myself? And smile.

Ready to transform your relationship with challenge? Listen to the full episode of Wellness Mastery with Jen Hoyer for more insights on embracing the hard as part of your strength-building journey.

Listen to Episode 35: Hard Doesn't Have to Mean Bad