From Impulse to Pride: The Power of Internal Rewards in Your Wellness Journey

Last weekend, I had something rare: time to myself. While my husband watched football, I decided on a girls' day out. Shopping, browsing the bookstore, maybe a manicure. Unstructured alone time is part of my self-care.

I started with lunch at a restaurant I love, full of healthy options and good ambiance. Then I headed to my favorite local strip mall to shop. And if you know me, you know I almost never leave a store without buying something. My husband jokes about it all the time, and he's usually right.

There I was in one of my favorite stores, trying on clothes. But something I heard once stuck with me, and I want to share it with you: shopping is like interviewing clothes. You're only going to hire the ones that can do the job.

It reframed everything. Instead of stressful, shopping became fun. Do these fit me? Can they help me feel confident and comfortable? If yes, welcome aboard. If not, you're fired.

After several trips to the dressing room, I had narrowed it down. In my arms: a long sleeve sports shirt, a sweater, a short sleeve sweater, and a dress. I realized something important: I already had versions of most of these at home. They were clothes I'd picked for Texas weather, and this girl was about to remember what actual fall and winter felt like.

I didn't actually need them. So I put them all back. Every single one.

You know what? I smiled. I felt so good leaving that store empty-handed. For someone who usually buys something every outing, this felt amazing. And I didn't regret the couple hours spent trying things on. I appreciated it for what it was: something fun that I like doing.

The Power of Internal Validation

As I was thinking about this, I remembered a conversation with Jillian Riley, author of "The Ten Permissions," whom I interviewed recently. She talks about striving for external validation and says: "When we chase external rewards, we might never know the joy of internal rewards."

Suddenly the pride and joy I felt made sense. I've been working on self-mastery for years, celebrating small wins, being my own biggest cheerleader, and finding joy from within. This shopping moment was a perfect example.

The pride I felt wasn't because anyone noticed or praised me. It was because I knew I'd made a decision for my highest and best self. I left the clothes behind, not from necessity or guilt or shame, but from alignment with what I truly wanted.

False Pleasure vs True Pleasure

While I teach about dopamine and its role in our lives, I know that buying something new gives us a little hit of dopamine. It feels good momentarily, but it's always fleeting. If I'd bought those clothes, I would have gotten that temporary high - same as eating a chocolate bar, scrolling social media, or binge-watching instead of working toward a goal.

They all give you a hit, but it fades quickly, leaving you wanting more.

Maybe you've had the dessert or salty snack you craved. Sure, it tastes great momentarily, but 15 minutes later, you might not feel so proud. Sometimes you even feel regret.

That's the difference between false pleasure and true pleasure. One is a fleeting dopamine hit. The other is deep, satisfying dopamine from self-mastery. One fades almost instantly. The other builds strength, pride, and confidence in yourself.

The dopamine we get from self-mastery - from making decisions aligned with our goals and values - is deeper, longer-lasting, and real. That feeling of pride, accomplishment, and satisfaction sticks. It reinforces behavior and motivates you to keep going. And best of all, you don't need anyone else to give it to you. You can give it to yourself.

The Cost of Relying on External Validation

When I got home, I didn't even need to tell my husband. I felt the pride deep in my bones. I felt satisfied with myself.

This got me thinking: how much of our health and weight loss journey is fueled by external validation versus internal validation?

One of the greatest lessons I've learned is that I don't need anyone else to validate me when I can do it for myself. When I make decisions moving me toward higher self-mastery, when I care for my future self, the pride and satisfaction fuel more decisions like it.

There is no greater reward than intrinsic rewards. External validation is fleeting and creates a cycle where you always want more. But internal rewards are satisfying and enough.

I've had women come up to me saying things like: "I've lost 25 pounds and no one even noticed" or "I've lost 50 pounds and no one said anything." There's disappointment and an unspoken question: if no one notices, why even bother?

If you rely solely on external validation, your motivation will waver when it doesn't come.

10 Ways to Build Internal Rewards

Here are immediate, free, easy ways to intentionally build intrinsic rewards:

1. Celebrate Yourself

Say it out loud: "Good job, you totally did that thing you didn't want to do, and I appreciate it." Or: "Good job, you made a choice from your highest self. Way to go."

2. Journal Three Daily Wins

Each day, write or note three things you're proud of. Even add "Good job, [your name]" at the end.

3. Try a Daily Mirror Practice

Look yourself in the eye in the mirror. Speak to yourself like your best friend. Tell yourself about the amazing things you did today, just as you would if your best friend called excited about their wins.

4. Track Progress

Note what you're doing and how it feels, not just outcomes. Track the way you feel when making good choices. When you look back and see "wow, that felt amazing," you can remind yourself during hard times.

5. Visualize Your Future Self

Picture your future self - 10, 20 years from now. See her clearly. Now imagine her thanking you for the choices you're making today. Feel that gratitude sink in. It's you connecting across time to your best self.

6. Create from Internal Motivation

Complete a project, practice a skill, or learn something new just for the satisfaction of doing it. Celebrate that.

7. Practice Intentional Self-Care

Sometimes choose rest because you need it. Sometimes choose movement. Nourish yourself because you love yourself and are proud of yourself, not for anyone else or any end result.

8. Do a Gratitude Check-In

At day's end, ask: "What choice did I make today that I'm so thankful for?" Gratitude reinforces that pride of intrinsic wins.

9. Create a Ritual of Acknowledgement

Light a candle, take a slow walk, or make tea when completing something important. That ritual marks the moment ceremonially, celebratorily, personally. It reminds you that you're creating this, and you're the one to thank.

10. Share with Safe People

When you share wins with someone who celebrates you, you get to articulate and internalize progress. It's reinforcing your own voice, not seeking their validation. Be proud. Celebrate yourself. It's not boastful - it's finding and reinforcing your voice.

The Fuel of Intrinsic Rewards

When you pick one of these and start practicing, something magical happens. Intrinsic rewards become fuel. They become motivation. They give you strength, and you don't need anyone else to hand it to you.

Going back to my shopping trip: I didn't feel empty or disappointed leaving without purchases. I felt pride and satisfaction. As I sat in my car ready to head home, I audibly said to myself: "Nice, Jen. It actually feels pretty amazing."

That pride motivated me to choose what's truly best for me next time. Whether I'm shopping, looking at food, facing an opportunity to move my body, or anything else that cares for me, I'll make a choice for my highest and best self.

If you're waiting for external validation in your journey, stop. Start practicing the art of intrinsic rewards. Celebrate yourself, support yourself, give yourself the pride that comes from making decisions from your highest and best self.

You can do this, and it's one of the best-kept secrets to living your healthiest life. Because living that healthiest life comes from living into your highest and best self.

Ready to shift from external validation to internal rewards? Listen to the full episode of Wellness Mastery with Jen Hoyer for more insights on building intrinsic motivation that lasts.

Listen to Episode 34: From Impulse to Pride