3 Ways to Make Failure Work in Weight Loss—and 1 Watch Out

Last night, my daughter called me in tears. She'd just received a rejection letter from the university she'd been working so hard to transfer into. Her voice was full of disappointment, and as I listened, I felt her heartbreak.

But I reminded her, and maybe you need this reminder too: this isn't the end of her story. It's one "no," one moment. We all have those. In fact, failure is a necessary part of success.

If you've ever felt stuck because you've failed at weight loss or health goals, this message is for you. Let's talk about how failure can actually work for you, especially in your wellness journey.

Why Success Is a Lousy Teacher

A business coach once told me something that was hard to swallow: "Success is a lousy teacher." As someone whose successes and failures were on full display, I didn't want to admit he was right. But he absolutely was.

Success rarely challenges us to grow, but failure? Failure teaches us what's missing.

Think of your wellness journey like weight training. For most of my life, I avoided weights because they seemed to point out how weak I was. But I learned that when you lift weights, you're breaking down muscle fibers so they can rebuild stronger.

In the same way, failure breaks down old patterns and beliefs, forcing us to rebuild in better ways. If you let it, failure will make you stronger.

My daughter's journey reminded me of my own weight loss experience. There were so many moments I wanted to quit. I'd slip up, overeat, skip workouts. But I had to remind myself: failure wasn't a verdict, it was feedback.

Each setback forced me to ask: "What do I need to adjust? What's the lesson here?" Like my daughter's rejection letter, every failure was just part of the process.

3 Ways to Make Failure Work for You

1. Shift Your Perspective on the Journey

Most people give up not because they've failed, but because their expectations don't match reality. We expect the wellness journey to be linear, but real change is messy. It's full of detours and setbacks.

Frustration is the gap between expectation and reality.

Instead of expecting perfection, expect progress. Shift your mindset: failure isn't the opposite of success, it's part of success.

When you embrace that failure is normal, it stops feeling like defeat and starts feeling like growth. When you expect setbacks, they won't derail you. They'll propel you forward.

Real transformation isn't about avoiding failure. It's about changing your relationship with it.

2. Look for the Lesson or Unmet Need

All behaviors are attempts to solve problems or meet needs. If you're struggling with emotional eating, ask: "What need am I trying to meet?" Maybe it's comfort, stress relief, or distraction.

Failure is an invitation to look deeper. As the saying goes: "Life will keep giving you the same lesson until you learn it."

Instead of beating yourself up, get curious. What's the real need here? How can you meet it in a healthier way?

Examples of looking deeper:

• Late-night snacking might reveal you need better stress management during the day

• Skipping workouts might show you need more realistic scheduling or different types of movement

• Weekend overeating might indicate you're being too restrictive during the week

  
  

This reflection turns failure into your greatest teacher. Each setback becomes valuable data about what adjustments you need to make.

3. Bring It to Light

One of the most powerful lessons comes from Brené Brown, who teaches that shame thrives in secrecy. She defines shame as "the intensely painful feeling that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging."

Failure can feel like that. Like we're broken. But the less we talk about shame, the more control it has over us.

"Shame cannot survive being spoken. It cannot tolerate having words wrapped around it. What it craves is secrecy, silence, and judgment. If you stay quiet, you stay in a lot of self-judgment." - Brené Brown

In my community, The Wellness Mastery Society, we don't hide our failures. We share them. When someone bravely opens up about their struggles, others breathe a sigh of relief because they realize: "I'm not alone."

This is how we dismantle shame by bringing it into the light. If you're struggling, find a safe space to share. You'll be amazed at how much lighter you feel.

Sharing your failures doesn't make you weak. It makes you human, relatable, and often helps others who are facing similar challenges.

The One Major Watch Out: Don't Let Failure Become Your Identity

This is where things get dangerous. When we dwell on failure, it can become part of our identity. We start believing "I am a failure" instead of "I experienced a failure."

Your identity drives your actions. The more you believe you are the failure, the harder it becomes to move past it.

Eckhart Tolle explains: "You are not your mind. Your mind is a tool, but you are the one who wields it."

If you catch yourself ruminating on past failures, remind yourself: "This failure is something I experienced, not who I am." Let it be part of your journey, not part of your identity.

The difference matters:

• Identity statement: "I'm terrible at sticking to healthy habits"

• Experience statement: "I've struggled with consistency, and I'm learning what works for me"

The first keeps you stuck. The second opens the door to growth.

Rewriting Your Failure Story

Consider how you currently think about past "failures" in your wellness journey. Are you carrying them as evidence of your inadequacy, or are you using them as stepping stones toward better strategies?

Each time you've started and stopped a diet, each time you've missed workouts for weeks, each time you've felt like you've "blown it" - these aren't character flaws. They're data points showing you what doesn't work for your life, your schedule, your needs.

When you reframe these experiences as valuable information rather than personal failures, you can use them to create more sustainable approaches.

Moving Forward With Failure as Your Ally

Failure is inevitable, but it's not the end. It's a step on the path. Expect it, learn from it, and share it when appropriate.

Remember my daughter's story: one rejection isn't the whole story. The same is true for you. One failure, or even multiple failures, don't define your wellness journey. They shape it.

Today, reflect on a recent setback. Instead of viewing it as evidence of your shortcomings, ask:

• What lesson can I extract from this experience?

• What need was I trying to meet, and how can I meet it more effectively?

• How can sharing this experience help both me and others?

  
  

Your failures don't make you weak. They make you human. And when you learn to work with them instead of against them, they become some of your most powerful tools for lasting change.

Ready to transform your relationship with failure and turn setbacks into stepping stones? Listen to the full episode of Wellness Mastery with Jen Hoyer for more insights on making failure work for your wellness journey.

Listen to Episode 13: 3 Ways to Make Failure Work in Weight Loss